Abuse

Abuse falls into four categories, each type of which leads to varying degrees of trauma: emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse.  It is suggested that spiritual abuse now be recognised as a fifth category.

Abuse is defined as systematic patterns of behaviour in a relationship that are designed to control and exercise power over another non-consenting individual. By definition, all abuse constitutes a boundary violation on another human being.

If you’d like to find out more about counselling to help with abuse of any kind, get in touch with Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy today.

Emotional abuse

When we are emotionally abused we are obliged to take on the emotional experience of another, at the expense of our own. Healthy relationships rely on each of the participants being allowed to own and experience their own emotions independently of another. This applies to children too. Allowing and encouraging a child to have their emotions, does not mean that they get their way (this in fact can be abusive too). It means that a parent validates that child’s emotional response and teaches them that they can feel angry, sad or joyful, without it translating to something in the external world that needs to change. So, for example, a child can feel frightened about a trip to the dentist and a parent can validate that child’s fear – ‘it is normal to feel frightened – I feel frightened about things too sometimes’ and hold it in context ‘it is only a short visit to the dentist and it is important to have healthy teeth so that you don’t get cavities’.

Where a parent fails to validate a child’s experience, or indeed, another person ignores our emotional experience, this is unsettling and can have emotional ramifications, but it does not in and of itself constitute abuse. For abuse to be present, firstly the negative behaviour needs to be systematic – repetitive – and secondly, it needs to go beyond invalidating another’s experience: it is forcing another to deny their emotional experience – to kill it off or replace it with something the other prefers. Emotional abuse impedes emotional development and restricts us from having a full emotional life.

Psychological abuse

Psychological abuse is similar, yet different, to emotional abuse and may or may not include emotional abuse. The distinction lies in the fact that psychological abuse is generally understood to impair our intelligence, memory, recognition, perception, attention, imagination and moral development. Toxic families and cults rely on psychological abuse to force members to think a certain way and behave a certain way which directly impairs autonomous decision-making and the capacity to reason and hold various possibilities in mind.

Physical abuse

Physical abuse is constituted by a boundary violation on the physical person. Contact which causes pain or discomfort and is administered without consent (in the case of an adult) or contravenes legal limits (in the case of children and adults) constitutes abuse.  There can be a significant cultural context to this definition too, particularly in the context of disciplining children whereby the act of smacking a child in the UK is considered acceptable and in most other European countries would constitute physical abuse and is legislated against. Whilst legal to smack a child in the UK, this does not mean that it is not experienced as abusive by that child.

Sexual abuse

The definition of sexual abuse is, in principle, straightforward and refers to any non-consenting sexual act or behaviour. Children, by virtue of the fact that they are younger than the age of consent, cannot legally or morally consent to engaging with any sexual behaviour with an adult.

Whilst the definition of sexual abuse may seem clear-cut, many children grow up in ‘over-sexualised’ environments or are exposed to unboundaried sexual behaviour around them that can have a significant psychological, emotional and sexual impact, and constitutes abuse.

Sexual abuse is often considered the most devastating type of abuse both to process as a client and to work with as a clinician. It can bring with it significant trauma and only psychotherapists experienced in this type of work should work with sexual abuse, as the probability of re-traumatising this client group is high.

Direct or indirect experience of emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can leave us with deep scars which impact to varying degrees on our relationship to self and others. Some of the effects of abuse include heightened anxiety, post-traumatic stress, anger, shame, dissociation, mistrust and self-harm and low or debilitating self-esteem.

Working therapeutically with abuse and trauma entails first of all establishing a climate of safety and trust which can take some time. It is only then that you can begin to look at how your previous experiences are impacting your life today.

Frequently asked questions

What is abuse?  Read more

Abuse is a term that is used to describe experiences that violate a person’s human rights and cause harm or distress.  There are many types of abuse however in applied psychology we often focus on physical, sexual, emotional, psychological and increasingly also spiritual abuse.  None of the above are mutually exclusive and there is often cross-over between the types of abuse.

How do I know if I have experienced or am experiencing abuse?  Read more If your abuse is current then the most telling symptom is that you feel afraid of the person who is abusing you in some way.  If you have experienced historic abuse, for example at the hands of a caregiver, then you may have conflicted feelings about this, and it may be difficult to consciously accept that the person who was supposed to care for you hurt or harmed you.  This is an example of how abuse becomes traumatic and can end up repeating in other relationships in your life as an adult.

What are the symptoms of abuse?  Read more Abusive childhoods can have huge implications for our future relationships with ourselves and with others.  An abusive childhood will likely impact on our self esteem, our ability to manage stress, and has been linked to addictions, depression and anxiety. Psychotherapy is important in helping you work through the trauma of an abusive childhood as well as in working with you to change your adult relationships and better manage your emotions.

What happens in a first session?  Read more The first session with one of our practitioners is an opportunity for you both to work out whether you feel able to work together. Your psychotherapist or psychologist will likely ask you various questions relating to what has brought you, and explain the process of therapy to you. The first session is a two-way process where you have the opportunity to ask questions and to decide whether you feel ‘safe enough’ working with your therapist.

How do I find a psychotherapist or psychologist I want to work with?  Read more At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies. On our website you can view each profile of our associates and contact them directly using the form on their profile page. You can also use our handy search function to find the right practitioner for your needs.

How long will it take for me to see a psychologist or psychotherapist?  Read more

We aim to respond to all enquiries within twenty-four hours.  You may either contact one of our practitioners directly via their profile page, or you can contact us directly and we will assist you in finding the right person to see as soon as possible. If the practitioner you wish to see has space then an appointment can usually be arranged within a week and sometimes much sooner.

How can I get in touch with you?  Read more You can contact our practitioners directly via the contact forms on their profile pages. They will then reply to you directly.

What age groups of clients do you work with?  Read more We have psychotherapists and psychologists trained to work with every age group from infants through to adults.

Do you offer evening and/or weekend sessions?  Read more We offer sessions every day of the week including on Saturdays and sessions are available into the evening.

What are your fees?  Read more Our fees are set by each practitioner depending on the type of therapy.  For individual psychotherapy or clinical psychology our fees range from £60 – £100 per session. For couple therapy our fees range from £70 – £100 per session.

Is there parking near your Hove and Lewes practices?  Read more Both our Hove and Lewes practices are centrally located close to train stations, bus routes and with on-street parking or car parks nearby.

If you’d like to find out more about counselling to help with abuse of any kind, get in touch with Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy today. At Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, we have two physical practices, one in Hove and one in Lewes, where we offer a full range of psychological therapies. On our website you can view each profile of our associates and contact them directly using the form on their profile page. You can also use our handy search function to find the right practitioner for your needs.

If you are considering online therapy, take a look at our online therapy services.


All the content on this page has been reviewed and vetted by Sam Jahara Transactional Analysis Psychotherapist, Supervisor and Co-Founder of Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy. For any questions or more information about the subjects discussed on this page please contact us.